SMART PSYCHOTHERAPY

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"The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind"

William James

How Change Happens in Therapy?

Clients attend therapy to change something in their life, and change only happens with these conditions:

1. The client realizes that he/she is responsible for making the change.

2. The client believes that he/she is able to make the change.

3. The client realizes that he/she must change.

4. The client realizes that he/she must change now.

 

Therapy fails when the therapist is not aware of these conditions and does not communicate them to the client.

 

Reference: Awaken the Giant Within, Anthony Robbins.

How to use the clients'​ strengths to heal their weaknesses?

Clients come to therapy with problems. They know what is missing and they are in tune with their weaknesses. After investigating the problematic patterns, it's time to interrupt and reframe them. One of the effective ways to interrupt a pattern and reframe it is to talk about the clients' strengths. Once the clients talk about their strengths, the problematic pattern breaks. Their feelings, thoughts, posture, and tone of voice will change to match the new story they are telling, and essentially they move from the rituals of weakness to the rituals of strength. They feel confident and bring their confidence into their problem and look at it from a different angle. As Albert Einstein said: "We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.”

Dance of Communication

Communication, at its best, is like a dance. It involves two partners who dance with the same music, at the same speed, and in the same place. Most people think that communication is what they do to others. Others think that communication is what others do to them. But communication is a mutual interaction. It is a reciprocal action that leads to satisfaction of both ends.

If you consider the example of dancing, you will see how bad and inappropriate it would be if each partner dance with different music. Imagine how it would be if one of them dance with Hip Hop music and the other one dance with Salsa music!

Miscommunication or lack of good communication is the same. You should tune your emotions and reactions to the other person you are communicating with and carefully check the level of interaction and make it deeper level by level.

Why do we resist change?

In therapy, we gain awareness of some of our unhelpful habits. We feel them again as if we are living by them. We see how they impact our life negatively. We feel emotional pain. We suffer and suffer. The goal is to let go of them once we become aware of them. But why we resist changing them? We resist change because we are associating more pain to change than being the same. Especially if it is an identity level of change, we might become very resistant. That’s why some people spend 10 years in therapy! Being the same is what we know. We survived with the same identity for years. Maybe it was not the best way of living, maybe it stopped us from reaching our goals, maybe it made us feel bad, but it also helped us to survive. Our brain likes familiarity even if it is painful. The only way to change is to associate so much pain to not changing and associate so much pleasure to changing so that we have no other choice rather than moving forward.

Divorcing Yourself

The phrase "love yourself!" is familiar as it has been heard, written, and said over and over. But what does it mean to“ Love yourself”? Not many people know. Here is a new way to figure out what it means to love yourself. Think about what you expect from an ideal partner? How would she/he make you feel, treat you, talk with you? Self-love is treating yourself as you want an ideal partner treating you. Self-love is treating yourself the way you wish others would treat you. Like with others, you also have a relationship with yourself. In the world of metaphors “You” and “yourself” are partners and you are in a marriage which is your relationship with yourself. This marriage will fail if you don't pay attention to yourself and treat yourself poorly. Do you think you are divorcing yourself?

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